I’ve been thinking about pride, how it feels within. I feel pride? I am proud. But what is that feeling? What is the emotion? 

I’ve noticed it being said to me of late and in turn I have used it in my vocabulary without truly being curious of what it means. I’m proud of you. I even hear myself say it to clients. But why? What does it mean? 

A dear friend challenged my understanding of the word, the essence of it. He used the example of a quote his dad used to say “pride comes before a fall” which I believe comes from the biblical proverb 16:18 “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall”. The proverb continues as (16:19) “Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud”.  

To me, this feels like an example of shaming, a shame for acknowledging achievement. Shame is a necessary evil that I strive to find compassion for within my client work and my personal journey, but there is something about the “pride” that doesn’t sit well with me. Maybe it just feels lazy, as though it's a word used to plaster over a beautiful rich, complex mix of real emotion. Real connection.

With my friends' curiosity, I naturally felt my mind open and shared that I felt defensive if someone said they were proud of me. Which is just bizarre because my shallow understanding of the sentiment is good, it's a good thing that someone feels this thing for you - there is something that I have done, that has made them feel this positive thing for me. I awkwardly smile, say thank you and internally feel stumped - what did I do exactly? Did I do something wrong before that now contrasts this new projected self?

Probably just overthinking this hey?

He suggested that it could mean contentment or to feel honoured. I love this. This feels exactly right. 

Today I feel content, not pride. Today I acknowledge an achievement I have made, and when I sit with this, I feel peace. It is not pride. Yeah, for sure it was a challenge, but my doing so hasn’t elevated my self-esteem, but it has enhanced the clarity of my self-compassion & self-worth. At some point in the past I chose self-compassion to guide me, thus navigating new skills and overcoming deep stress. 

I fucking did it. 

Wow, am I feeling pride now? No, let's stick with rejecting this redundant messaging. It is not pride that I feel, it is warmth and love. It is a clear vision of spirit, it was always there and it is in us all. We are wired with self-compassion but our western society has a culture of breaking and shaming us to make us believe that when we do hard things we should be proud. It makes us believe we are weak until we have proven ourselves. 

Fuck that! 

We are just bloody perfect the way we are. If we do something remarkable, that's a personal endeavour that one has chosen to feel more connected with ourselves. If the journey is for external praise, then I can wage that contentment will never be felt. I believe this shows up as Equality Wisdom in the Five Wisdoms in Buddhism - that we are not measurable against each other and instead all share the same light and desires of freedom.

I do, however, feel slightly confused when I think of pride for someone else, I literally just heard it in a song. The lyric was something about how much pride the artist had for his son - and I felt it. I empathised, but how could I? I don’t have my own children to watch and grow, so what was I empathetic about?

 It was his love of course, his deep deep love that he had for his child. His pride is spewing out of his heart because of the intensity of warmth and joy he has for his child, no matter what this child does the artist is absolutely overcome with pride. Maybe this is okay?

I can certainly see how one's identity could be embellished by such pride, and I’m not trying to take away or judge anyone on their sense of self. I am just trying to understand for myself what I mean when I feel pride, and I don’t think it is pride. 

It is love. 

It is gratitude.

It is contentment.

It is all the beautiful sparkly feelings of joy that connect us all and I feel it heavily in my heart as I really sit with it. I feel warm, and everything feels okay. 

On saying goodnight to my friend I retracted my pride for him, and instead said I’m honoured to have you in my life, your a fucking legend - and that felt just right.